Dear Ava PDF Book by Ilsa Madden-Mills


Click here to Download Dear Ava PDF Book by Ilsa Madden-Mills Language English having PDF Size 1.6 MB and No of Pages 333.

I’m in tall grass, that I do know, and I breathe slowly, orienting myself as I stare up at the starry sky and look for answers. The moon is full and bright, illuminating the high pine trees towering over me, their branches rustling as the wind blows, like ghostly hands rubbing their fingers together.

Dear Ava PDF Book by Ilsa Madden-Mills

Name of Book Dear Ava
PDF Size  1.6 MB
No of Pages 333
Language English
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Watching the slow, creepy movement reminds me of a horrid Grimm fairytale where a young girl ventures out into the enchanted forest to pick flowers, only to be gobbled up by a monster. I close my eyes. Open them again. This isn’t an enchanted forest, but it’s definitely the woods. How did I get here? Twisting my head, I see the embers of a low bonfire glowing several yards away in a mostly open meadow.

Images dance in my head—me at the fire, laughing, dancing, drinking— I inhale a sharp breath as another memory pierces, and I kick it down. Just not ready. My hands clench the dirt and damp leaves underneath me. My clothes are dirty. At least I didn’t wear my red and white cheer outfit.

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No, I had time to change into a mini skirt and a new blue tank top with scalloped lace at the top, “the perfect match for my eyes,” Piper had said even as she told me not to—what? What did she tell me not to do? More pain spirals in my head, and I wince, swallowing convulsively to pull moisture into my dry mouth.

I focus on that meadow. Before I was in the woods, there was a party there, the Friday night kegger after the football game. Yes. At one point, people and music and cars encircled this meadow. Guys still in jerseys, some in jeans and preppy shirts, pretty girls decked out in expensive clothes I can’t afford, jewelry and shoes I’ll never have… It’s empty now.

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I lick dry, chapped lips when my stomach swirls. Bile curls in my gut. I’m not sure how my addled brain knows poison lies somewhere within me, but it does, and my body wants to eject it. There’s a dent on the driver’s side— came that way—and the paint is rusted at the edges of the hood and over the wheels.

I worked three summers waiting tables at a dingy all-night diner in downtown Nashville to buy her, and it’s my sole possession in the world. I paid for it with carefully scraped together money from every tip I got, and I got plenty because I was the best waitress there, pasting a broad, welcoming smile on my face for every truck driver, blue collar worker, and late-night drunk person.

Sometimes if the waitstaff was full, I cleaned the kitchen, took out trash, or mopped the floor. Lou would text me any time one of his servers didn’t show up or called in sick, and I’d drag myself up out of my bed at the group home and jog the two blocks to the diner, half-asleep but ready to put the time in for the dollars. Dear Ava PDF Book

I find a smile. Louise isn’t pretty, but she’s mine. Parked next to me is a sleek black Porsche, and on the other side is a red Maserati. I sigh. Almost a year since I’ve been a student here, yet nothing has changed. I sweep my eyes over the grounds ahead of me. Welcome to Camden Prep, otherwise known as my own personal hell, a prestigious private school in the middle of Sugarwood,

Tennessee, which happens to be one of the richest small towns in the US, home to senators, country music stars, and professional athletes. Bah. Whatever. I hate this place. Slinging my backpack over my arm, I sprint through the parking lot, carefully evading the cars, recalling a freshman guy who accidentally scratched another car once, and one of the Shark’s, no less.

Later, they cornered him in the bathroom and made him lick their shoes. The best advice for anyone who isn’t a Shark is to stay away from them. Don’t look. Don’t touch. Pretend they don’t exist. Those guidelines got me through my freshman and sophomore years. Junior year—well, we won’t even go there, but now that it’s my last year, I’ll be living by those rules again. Dear Ava PDF Book

The teacher, Mrs. White, is an older lady with gray curly hair and small wirerimmed glasses. She’s wearing a baggy dress with huge pockets on the sides and old sandals. Rather absentminded and a bit quirky, she has a rep as a fun teacher. She lifts her head when I come to a stop, my shoes squeaking on the slick tile.

Everyone already has a seat, and it’s clear from the seating chart on the whiteboard that she doesn’t have my name down. Great. That’s what last-minute registration gets me. It’s going to be like this all day, me showing up and not being on the roll. She stops talking, a surprised look on her face as she motions me forward.

Everyone cranes their neck to get a look at me as I walk up to her desk, maneuvering through the small desk tables, each one seating two students. Dang, I’m going to have to actually sit next to someone. I send a prayer up that it’s not one of the Sharks, hoping for just a regular student like me. I pass by Piper, whose eyes are wide. Dear Ava PDF Book

I grimace when I see she’s been placed next to Dane. She sticks out her tongue at me and rolls her eyes so hard it actually looks painful, and I bite back a grin. He studies me. “I don’t know what you’re doing with her, but it’s weird. I don’t trust it.” He brushes past me to head to the showers, but I grab his arm.

“Forget her. I know you’re using again, and I don’t mean pot and Molly. You’re doing the hard stuff—” “So?” He tilts his head, and in that moment, his vulnerable expression reminds me of Mom’s then I’m sucked back into the past and seeing her floating face down in our pool still wearing her nightgown.

I swallow thickly, trying to push those images away, but little tendrils of those last memories sneak in until I can see Dane and me coming home from school, calling her name. Usually, she’d be at the piano, pretending to play even though I knew she’d grown to despise it, or she’d be knitting, not anything in particular, just a long, knotty rope of nothing. Dear Ava PDF Book

Earlier, we came home to an empty house. Suzy had already left for the night and Dane and I had dinner in front of the TV in the den, salmon and grilled asparagus she’d made. We didn’t talk much except about homework and practice. I was hiding that I was pissed at Dad for not being here. He was quiet for other reasons.

At eleven, I finished loading the dishwasher, turned on the alarms, flicked off the lights, and we crashed, each of us in our respective bedroom. The big house was deathly quiet as we went up the stairs. I wish we’d move to a different house and escape all these memories. “What was your dream about?” he asks. “Nothing.”

He sighs. “Yeah, right.” The dream—shit, it reminds me that I was never Mom’s favorite. You could see it in her eyes when she looked at Dane, the affection and affinity. Maybe she just thought I didn’t need as much. Once at the park when we were small, another kid pushed Dane off the ladder to the slide, and he took a tumble and hit his head on a rock. Dear Ava PDF Book Download

“Why did you let them hurt him? You’re the strong one!” she yelled at me. I went back to the slide, found that kid, and punched him in the nose. Coach, a tall burly man with bushy eyebrows, finishes making notes on his clipboard about who has shown up. “Knox, take the offense and run sprints then we’ll line up for scrimmage. No pads or helmets. Limited contact.”

He sweeps his eyes over us, including Liam. “Keep it clean today, boys.” Yeah, yesterday, there was some pushing and shoving, mostly between the offense and defense. The offense gathers around, Dane and Chance on either side of me. Dane is the tight end and Chance is my go-to wide receiver. “You heard him—put your pussy coffees down and let’s get to work.”

Chance rolls his eyes but dashes off to set his cup on the bench. “Ten sprints to the thirty and back, then line up on me. Let’s kick some defense ass today, got it?” We all clap. Under the rising sun, I finish my sprints first with Dane and Chance. We jog up to the fifty-yard line to wait. Liam and a few of the other defensive players make their way over, and Liam opens his mouth. Dear Ava PDF Book Download

“What’s up with you and Ava yesterday? You two buddies now?” Peeking, I watch as he scrubs his face and walks to the sink, turns on the cold water, and splashes his face. Once. Twice. Water drips down his cheek to his tan throat, slipping inside his tight black shirt. He looks up at his reflection and grimaces, his fingers trailing down his face. “Ugly, stupid, asshole motherfucker.” I hear him grunt.

“You can’t have her.” Leaning over the sink, he clutches the edge with one hand while he unzips his pants and takes out his shaft. It’s long, thick, and hard, like the rest of him. My breath hitches when he strokes himself, groaning, eyelashes fluttering against his chiseled cheeks. My ears tingle at the sounds he makes, the slap of his fist around his length as he works himself.

He grabs his mushroom-shaped head and twists it, shuddering and rubbing the drops of white at the tip down his skin. “Hades and Persephone,” he mutters, almost angrily, as he shoves his jeans and underwear farther down. Slick, slick, so slick and wet, he thrusts into his hand in a greedy way, a flush starting at his neck and working its way to his face. Dear Ava PDF Book Download

Every second he leans down and groans stretches out and lingers, every tick of the clock dense and thick with anticipation. She hands me a note to class and I accept it then run to the bathroom, finding the last stall and sitting on the toilet, my legs tucked up so no one can see me. My stomach rolls, thick and heavy, and I shove it down. I call the elementary campus and ask for Dr. Rivers.

Time passes, but I don’t care how long it takes until her voice is on the line and I ask to speak to Tyler. She tells me no, they don’t pull students from class to talk on the phone. I tell her I need to hear his voice just for one minute, and can’t I please, please, please just talk to him, and eventually I say I don’t think I can get up and go to class until I hear his voice.

There’s a long silence until finally, Tyler comes, and I hear him talking to Dr. Rivers, some shuffling, and then his tiny breathy voice on the line, saying hello, and I close my eyes. “How’s your first day, bozo?” My voice isn’t right, but at least I have it. “Balls! It’s amazing!” I feel the smile on his face all the way from his school. Dear Ava PDF Book Free

“We’re doing science and I got a partner and we got to lay down on this long paper and outline each other and now we’re gonna use yarn to make the blood vessels! Isn’t that cool? Isn’t it?” He sighs. “Trask emailed the board and asked for a scholarship for him. My dad is on the board. He mentioned it.” Several times.

That was a strange phone call on Monday when I heard the hesitant tone in Dad’s voice as he asked me if Ava was really back. Since he is on the board, he also knew Trask wanted her back, and although he felt uneasy about it, he voted yes to call her and offer the scholarship for her senior year. Like me, he recalls the spiral Dane went into after the kegger last year.

“I take it he’s found a good place?” One of her soft smiles graces her face, and I inhale at the effect it has on my insides. “He freaking loves it so much. Loves the administration, the teachers, the kids— everything.” Dear Ava PDF Book Free

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