Click here to Download Etiquette PDF by Emily Post English having PDF Size 7.1 MB and No of Pages 238.
Many who scoff at a book of etiquette would be shocked to hear the least expression of levity touching the Ten Commandments. But the Commandments do not always prevent such virtuous scoffers from dealings with their neighbor of which no gentleman could be capable and retain his claim to the title.
Etiquette PDF by Emily Post
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Though it may require ingenuity to reconcile their actions with the Decalogue— the ingenuity is always forthcoming. There is no intention in this remark to intimate that there is any higher rule of life than the Ten Commandments; only it is illuminating as showing the relationship between manners and morals, which is too often overlooked.
The polished gentleman of sentimental fiction has so long served as the type of smooth and conscienceless depravity that urbanity of demeanor inspires distrust in ruder minds. On the other hand, the blunt, unpolished hero of melodrama and romantic fiction has lifted brusqueness and pushfulness to a pedestal not wholly merited.
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Consequently, the kinship between conduct that keeps us within the law and conduct that makes civilized life worthy to be called such, deserves to be noted with emphasis. The Chinese sage, Confucius, could not tolerate the suggestion that virtue is in itself enough without politeness, for he viewed them as inseparable and “saw courtesies as coming from the heart.”
Maintaining that “when they are practised with all the heart, a moral elevation ensues.” People who ridicule etiquette as a mass of trivial and arbitrary conventions, “extremely troublesome to those who practise them and insupportable to everybody else,” seem to forget the long, slow progress of social intercourse in the upward climb of man from the primeval state.
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Conventions were established from the first to regulate the rights of the individual and the tribe. They were and are the rules of the game of life and must be followed if we would “play the game.” Ages before man felt the need of indigestion remedies, he ate his food solitary and furtive in some corner, hoping he would not be espied by any stronger and hungrier fellow.
It was a long, long time before the habit of eating in common was acquired; and it is obvious that the practise could not have been taken up with safety until the individuals of the race knew enough about one another and about the food resources to be sure that there was food sufficient for all.
When eating in common became the vogue, table manners made their appearance and they have been waging an uphill struggle ever since. The custom of raising the hat when meeting an acquaintance derives from the old rule that friendly knights in accosting each other should raise the visor for mutual recognition in amity. Etiquette PDF
In the knightly years, it must be remembered, it was important to know whether one was meeting friend or foe. Meeting a foe meant fighting on the spot. Thus, it is evident that the conventions of courtesy not only tend to make the wheels of life run more smoothly, but also act as safeguards in human relationship.
Imagine the Paris Peace Conference, or any of the later conferences in Europe, without the protective armor of diplomatic etiquette! Nevertheless, to some the very word etiquette is an irritant. It implies a great pother about trifles, these conscientious objectors assure us, and trifles are unimportant.
Trifles are unimportant, it is true, but then life is made up of trifles. To those who dislike the word, it suggests all that is finical and superfluous. It means a garish embroidery on the big scheme of life; a clog on the forward march of a strong and courageous nation. To such as these, the words etiquette and politeness connote weakness and timidity. Etiquette PDF
Their notion of a really polite man is a dancing master or a man milliner. They were always willing to admit that the French were the politest nation in Europe and equally ready to assert that the French were the weakest and least valorous, until the war opened their eyes in amazement.
Yet, that manners and fighting can go hand in hand appears in the following anecdote: In the midst of the war, some French soldiers and some non-French of the Allied forces were receiving their rations in a village back of the lines. The non-French fighters belonged to an Army that supplied rations plentifully.
They grabbed their allotments and stood about while hastily eating, uninterrupted by conversation or other concern. The French soldiers took their very meager portions of food, improvised a kind of table on the top of a flat rock, and having laid out the rations, including the small quantity of wine that formed part of the repast, sat down in comfort and began their meal amid a chatter of talk. Etiquette PDF
One of the non-French soldiers, all of whom had finished their large supply of food before the French had begun eating, asked sardonically: “Why do you fellows make such a lot of fuss over the little bit of grub they give you to eat?” The Frenchman replied: “Well, we are making war for civilization, are we not? Very well, we are.
Therefore, we eat in a civilized way.” To the French we owe the word etiquette, and it is amusing to discover its origin in the commonplace familiar warning—”Keep off the grass.” It happened in the reign of Louis XIV, when the gardens of Versailles were being laid out, that the master gardener, an old Scotsman, was sorely tried because his newly seeded lawns were being continually trampled upon.
To keep trespassers off, he put up warning signs or tickets—etiquettes—on which was indicated the path along which to pass. But the courtiers paid no attention to these directions and so the determined Scot complained to the King in such convincing manner that His Majesty issued an edict commanding everyone at Court to “keep within the etiquettes.” Etiquette PDF
Gradually the term came to cover all the rules for correct demeanor and deportment in court circles; and thus through the centuries it has grown into use to describe the conventions sanctioned for the purpose of smoothing personal contacts and developing tact and good manners in social intercourse.
With the decline of feudal courts and the rise of empires of industry, much of the ceremony of life was discarded for plain and less formal dealing. Trousers and coats supplanted doublets and hose, and the change in costume was not more extreme than the change in social ideas. The court ceased to be the arbiter of manners, though the aristocracy of the land remained the high exemplar of good breeding.
A gentleman takes off his hat and holds it in his hand when a lady enters the elevator in which he is a passenger, but he puts it on again in the corridor. A public corridor is like the street, but an elevator is suggestive of a room, and a gentleman does not keep his hat on in the presence of ladies in a house. Etiquette PDF Download
This is the rule in elevators in hotels, clubs and apartments. In office buildings and stores the elevator is considered as public a place as the corridor. What is more, the elevators in such business structures are usually so crowded that the only room for a man’s hat is on his head. But even under these conditions a gentleman can reveal his innate respect for women by not permitting to be crowded too near to them.
When a gentleman stops to speak to a lady of his acquaintance in the street, he takes his hat off with his left hand, leaving his right free to shake hands, or he takes it off with his right and transfers it to his left. If he has a stick, he puts his stick in his left hand, takes off his hat with his right, transfers his hat also to his left hand, and gives her his right.
If they walk ahead together, he at once puts his hat on; but while he is standing in the street talking to her, he should remain hatless. There is no rudeness greater than for him to stand talking to a lady with his hat on, and a cigar or cigarette in his mouth. A gentleman always rises when a lady comes into a room. Etiquette PDF Download
In public places men do not jump up for every strange woman who happens to approach. But if any woman addresses a remark to him, a gentleman at once rises to his feet as he answers her. In a ToC restaurant, when a lady bows to him, a gentleman merely makes the gesture of rising by getting up half way from his chair and at the same time bowing.
Then he sits down again. When a lady goes to a gentleman’s office on business he should stand up to receive her, offer her a chair, and not sit down until after she is seated. When she rises to leave, he must get up instantly and stand until she has left the office. It is not necessary to add that every American citizen stands with his hat off at the passing of the “colors” and when the national anthem is played.
If he didn’t, some other more loyal citizen would take it off for him. Also every man should stand with his hat off in the presence of a funeral that passes close or blocks his way. Lack of consideration for those who in any capacity serve you, is always an evidence of ill-breeding, as well as of inexcusable selfishness. Etiquette PDF Download
Occasionally a so-called “lady” who has nothing whatever to do but drive uptown or down in her comfortable limousine, vents her irritability upon a saleswoman at a crowded counter in a store, because she does not leave other customers and wait immediately upon her. Then, perhaps, when the article she asked for is not to be had, she complains to the floor-walker about the saleswoman’s stupidity!
Or having nothing that she can think of to occupy an empty hour on her hands, she demands that every sort of material be dragged down from the shelves until, discovering that it is at last time for her appointment, she yawns and leaves. Of course, on the other hand, there is the genuinely lethargic saleswoman whose mind doesn’t seem to register a single syllable that you have said to her.
Who, with complete indifference to you and your preferences, insists on showing what you distinctly say you do not want, and who caps the climax by drawling “They” are wearing it this season! Does that sort of saleswoman ever succeed in selling anything? Does anyone living buy anything because someone, who knows nothing, tells another, who is often an expert, what an indiscriminating. Etiquette PDF Free
“They” may be doing? That kind of a saleswoman would try to tell Kreisler that “They” are not using violins this season! There are always two sides to the case, of course, and it is a credit to good manners that there is scarcely ever any friction in stores and shops of the first class. Salesmen and women are usually persons who are both patient and polite.
And their customers are most often ladies in fact as well as “by courtesy.” Between those before and those behind the counters, there has sprung up in many instances a relationship of mutual goodwill and friendliness. It is, in fact, only the woman who is afraid that someone may encroach upon her exceedingly insecure dignity.
Who shows neither courtesy nor consideration to any except those whom she considers it to her advantage to please. To be impeccably correct, initials should not be engraved on a visiting card. A gentleman’s card should read: Mr. John Hunter Titherington Smith, but since names are sometimes awkwardly long. Etiquette PDF Free
And it is the American custom to cling to each and every one given in baptism, he asserts his possessions by representing each one with an initial, and engraves his cards Mr. John H.T. Smith, or Mr. J.H. Titherington Smith, as suits his fancy. So, although, according to high authorities, he should drop a name or two and be Mr. Hunter Smith, or Mr. Titherington Smith.
It is very likely that to the end of time the American man, and necessarily his wife, who must use the name as he does, will go on cherishing initials. And a widow no less than a married woman should always continue to use her husband’s Christian name, or his name and another initial, engraved on her cards.
She is Mrs. John Hunter Titherington Smith, or, to compromise, Mrs. J.H. Titherington Smith, but she is never Mrs. Sarah Smith; at least not anywhere in good society. In business and in legal matters a woman is necessarily addressed by her own Christian name, because she uses it in her signature. Etiquette PDF Free
But no one should ever address an envelope, except from a bank or a lawyer’s office, “Mrs. Sarah Smith.” When a widow’s son, who has the name of his father, marries, the widow has Sr. added to her own name, or if she is the “head” of the family, she very often omits all Christian names, and has her card engraved “Mrs. Smith,” and the son’s wife calls herself Mrs. John Hunter Smith.
Smith is not a very good name as an example, since no one could very well claim the distinction of being the Mrs. Smith. It, however, illustrates the point. For the daughter-in-law to continue to use a card with Jr. on it when her husband no longer uses Jr. on his, is a mistake made by many people. A wife always bears the name of her husband.
To have a man and his mother use cards engraved respectively Mr. J.H. Smith and Mrs. J.H. Smith and the son’s wife a card engraved Mrs. J.H. Smith, Jr., would announce to whomever the three cards were left upon, that Mr. and Mrs. Smith and their daughter-in-law had called. The cards of a young girl after she is sixteen have always “Miss” before her name. Etiquette PDF Free
Which must be her real and never a nick-name: Miss Sarah Smith, not Miss Sally Smith. The fact that a man’s name has “Jr.” added at the end in no way takes the place of “Mr.” His card should be engraved Mr. John Hunter Smith, Jr., and his wife’s Mrs. John Hunter Smith, Jr. Some people have the “Jr.” written out, “junior.”