How to Make Friends with the Dark PDF Book by Kathleen Glasgow


Click here to Download How to Make Friends with the Dark PDF Book by Kathleen Glasgow Language English having PDF Size 4.3 MB and No of Pages 354.

I had a pack of lime Jell-O, and my stomach is screaming for food, but I don’t tell her this. I just keep nuzzling her. My mother pulls away and laughs. “Grace,” she says. Hearing my real name makes me cringe. “Gracie, that pajama top doesn’t quite fit you anymore, baby doll.” I pull defensively at the hem of the T-shirt and cross my arms over my chest.

How to Make Friends with the Dark PDF Book by Kathleen Glasgow

Name of Book How to Make Friends with the Dark
PDF Size 4.3 MB
No of Pages 354
Language English
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My mom sighs. I know what’s coming, so I prepare my I’m bored face. “Tiger,” she says firmly. “You’re a beautiful girl. I was just teasing, which I shouldn’t have done. You should never hide you. You’re growing into something wondrous. Don’t be ashamed.” Wondrous. She and Bonita are crazy for the affirmation talk. Cake likes to say their mission in life is to Build a Better Girl Than They Were.

“You know,” she said once, “their moms probably put them on diets of cottage cheese before prom and told them to keep their legs closed around boys.” I roll my eyes and groan. “You have to tell me those things,” I answer. “You’re my mom. It’s in your job description.” Her face softens and I feel guilty. Once I overheard her say to Bonita, “I try to tell Tiger all the things I never got to hear, you know?”

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And I always want to know, what didn’t she get to hear? Because she’s tight-lipped about her early, non-Mom, kidlike days. Her parents died when she was in college, and she doesn’t like to talk about them. My mother rummages around in the cabinets and somehow, somewhere, finds a lone can of Coke, even though I scoured the cabinets last night for spare eats.

She takes a long, grateful sip and then wipes her mouth. She fishes in her purse for a cigarette. “Go get dressed, Tiger. I’ll drop you at school and then I’ve got a lot of things to do. Today is going to be one hell of a day, I promise. Food, Pacheco, the works. I’ll make up for being out of it, okay?”

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Straw wrappers. Sticky old bags of fruit gummies. Flip-flops. Scrunched tissues. Single winter mittens and Styrofoam coffee cups and movie tickets from months ago. How did the movie tickets end up there? Slipped from a pocket. Fallen from a wallet. You’re on your side in the duct-taped backseat, cheek stuck to the vinyl, staring down at those movie tickets.

Three little stained stubs amid a heap of trash. You finger them. They’re gummy from the last dregs of coffee that dripped from some Styrofoam cups. Things flip in your brain, like a movie reel: the Amsterdam teenage sex movie. Why does remembering this stab you so hard? Why? Through the window, the sun hits your face like a hot rock.

You blink and wonder where you are, why you are in the backseat of this car, cheek plastered to vinyl, and then the world splits open again, wider than you ever thought it could, sucking your breath away. Now you remember, now you know, now you know everything, like why the movie memory stabbed so much. Your mother is dead. How to Make Friends with the Dark PDF Book

You get out of the car and the sun hurts and the ground hurts and even the stupid air hurts. You feel skinned. Like whatever held you together has been peeled away. You half expect to look down and see your heart hanging out, a slow-beating, nearly dead thing. Your legs wobble and your mouth tastes dry and your mother is dead.

They were all staring at you, in that too-bright room, silently willing you to say that the person on the table was your mother and she was dead so they could move on with their lives, while yours had just been stopped short. The funeral home was in Sierra Vista, about fifteen minutes from Mesa Luna, but a good thirty from where LaLa lives.

On our way home, before we pick up the kids at school, LaLa stops at a café. It’s cool inside. The walls are the color of mud. LaLa puts her purse, a big colorful bag, on the table. “I’m going to order us something simple. You haven’t eaten in almost two days, Tiger. You need some protein.” The tabletop is cold under my hands. How to Make Friends with the Dark PDF Book

My skin is so dry I imagine it cracking and flaking off, bit by bit, until I’m just bone and gristle, and a great wind comes, and blows the rest of me away, until I’m nothing, not even a speck of a person. That doesn’t sound so bad. Disappearing. Not feeling. The girl-bug in the jar flutters, nods her head. She taps her fingers on the glass. Yes, she seems to say. What a good idea. Tears flood my eyes.

I’m exhausted, and I can’t hold back anymore. Hush, hush, baby. Coconut shampoo, her soft hair against my face. A bad dream. My mom, burned to bits, stuffed in a small box. It’s all a horror. I don’t want anyone in the café to notice me, but I’m powerless to stop it. So I do a kind of thing where I hunch my shoulders and lean forward and tip my face to the table.

It’s a complicated kind of breathing, but I manage not to make a sound or sob. My tears splash on the table. “Oh God.” LaLa sets two soup bowls down, finds a soft cloth in her bag, and wipes my face. “It’s okay,” she says gently. “It’s going to be okay.” “No,” I choke out. “It isn’t.” I meet her eyes. She doesn’t try to correct me, or give me some crappy saying, and in that instant I understand. How to Make Friends with the Dark PDF Book

LaLa knows, but she doesn’t want to say it out loud. My life is going to be shit from now on. In ways I never could have imagined. After everyone has gone to bed, after I hear Sarah begin to snore, and Leonard begins to hum in his sleep down the hallway, I decide to go outside, to the jelly lounger, to the stars. Thaddeus is out there, his legs wrapped in a blanket, his earbuds in.

I stretch out on my lounger. I wish I’d brought a blanket out, too. Sometimes Kai and I would share earbuds in the school library, sitting on the carpeted floor between the stacks, and that was nice, the way our heads were so close, like the music went through his body into mine. I can barely remember what he and I used to listen to together, now. I guess it doesn’t really matter.

I probably would have listened to trees being cut down if it meant I could be that close to Kai Henderson. I shake my head to clear the memory. It just adds to my loneliness and I want to try and stay away from the black hole as much as I can. Last night scared me, how calm I felt, thinking about killing myself. The S word. Lizards and prairie dogs scuttle in the brush in the darkness of LaLa’s backyard. How to Make Friends with the Dark PDF Book

In just a couple of hours, I’m going to my third brand-new place in six days. The feeling that rises up in me then is overwhelming, and I wish I could hear my mom’s voice. I sneak a peek at Thaddeus. His eyes are closed. He’s not paying any attention to me. I pick up my phone and call my mom’s number.

I have no idea where her phone actually is, because I haven’t been back to the house since Cake and I went to pack the suitcase and I fell asleep in the old white Honda. The minute I hear her voice, a hot kind of lonely washes through me. “I miss you,” I say quietly. “I wish you were here.” Where is her phone? What’s going to happen to our things, our little house?

What’s going to happen to the jams and jellies on the pine shelves in the backyard building, waiting to be sold from our truck this summer? The Jellymobile. That’s what everyone in town calls it. The half-dead, rumbly former ice cream truck my mother bought from a guy named Canyon on Craigslist and spent hours fixing up and painting. How to Make Friends with the Dark PDF Book Download

There’s a giant, sexy saguaro cactus on the side with red lipstick and a cowboy hat. It’s completely embarrassing and humiliating to drive that thing through Mesa Luna and then park it by the side of the road, waiting for tourists from Kentucky and North Dakota to stumble upon us, exclaiming about prickly pear jelly and mesquite apple jam, but it was our life together.

I thought she might wake up in time to take me to school, but in the end, I texted Cake. Don’t know what she did last night, but my sister isn’t getting up. Give me a ride? In the car, she says, “Maybe she parties or something. I mean her FB was full of beer shots.” “I haven’t seen her drink one thing while she’s been here.” “Well, she’s only twenty. Maybe she went to a meet-up or something.

Somewhere. To…meet people of her own…ilk.” Cake laughs. “She seems cool. I think this is gonna all work out. Probably just growing pains. Like when a person has a baby and has to learn how to understand which cry means what, like hungry, sleepy, change me. Your sister has to learn all that stuff.” “I’m not a baby,” I say. I smooth the lap of my dress and adjust my hat. How to Make Friends with the Dark PDF Book Download

No, says the girl-bug. You’re a mess to clean up, remember? Cake frowns. “This cowgirl slash butter-churner outfit? How much longer is it going to last?” “I don’t know,” I say lightly, looking out the window. “Maybe my whole life. You’ll leave and go away to camp or college and I’ll still be here, forever, a loser, wandering the streets of our dusty town in my musty old dress and Clint Eastwood hat.”

Because I’ll spend my whole life missing my mom, and so I should dress like it, just like the women in Dickens’s books. Dirty and sad and hollow. “That’s a weird thing to say,” Cake says slowly. She pulls into the Eugene Field parking lot. “What do you mean by that, anyway?” She looks at me, her face hurt. “I’d never leave you like that. You’re my best friend.”

“Everybody leaves,” I mumble. “But I’m just being dumb. Forget it.” Mucking shit is just as horrible as it sounds, and by the time we’re done, our backs are sore and we smell to high heaven, or so Walrus Jackson says. He sat in the corner the whole time, reading a book, while we heaved horse manure, measured out food, and raked and cleaned stalls. How to Make Friends with the Dark PDF Book Free

Outside, it’s hot and flies are buzzing all around us. Marco looks almost gleeful as he explains the routine. In the morning, we’ll help exercise the horses, help the staff with riding lessons, and learn the ins and outs of working the stable. After lunch, we muck. After mucking, we help feed the ducks, the pigs (there are two), and take riding lessons in the late afternoon.

“Nothing fancy,” Marco says. “But you need to learn the basics of riding.” Randy Gonzalez has appeared, his wide-brimmed hat shading his face. He smiles at all of us. “Welcome to my home. I’m glad to have you as my guests for the week. I hope you find sustenance for your soul here.” The four of us look around awkwardly. Adults are weird.

Always saying these giant things that you have to think about for so long, you usually forget what they said in the first place. “There’s a pool down that little path,” he says, pointing. “You can use it, but please be respectful of noise. Most of us around here go to bed pretty early. Ranch life starts before the sun rises, after all.” How to Make Friends with the Dark PDF Book Free

He meanders off. Alif says, “That dude is like something from a cowboy movie.” Marco laughs. In our guesthouse, in our tiny shared bedroom, Mae-Lynn snores deeply. Her hands are blistered from the muck rake. I had to dig around the pink-painted bathroom to find some Band-Aids and ointment. We were all so tired from the first afternoon we could barely keep our heads up over a dinner of posole and fry bread and iced tea.

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