Click here to Download Please Love Me at My Worst PDF Book by Michaela Angemeer Language English having PDF Size 1.6 MB and No of Pages 133.
Acknowledgments to my readers, thank you for being right by my side on this journey. i can’t believe we made it to book three! thank you for your commiseration, your stories, and your words of encouragement. you really make me feel so loved. to my dad, thank you for being my number one supporter and maybe the only one more excited than me over the past four years.
Please Love Me at My Worst PDF Book by Michaela Angemeer
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To my oma, thank you for giving me twenty-eight years of wisdom and showing me the importance of enjoying your own company. to nana, thank you for watching over me, for showing up in elephants and butterflies and always reminding me that even though you aren’t here, you are with me. to chinye, thank you for being my confidant, the brightest light in the dark spots.
To my agent, james, thank you for finding me in a corner of the internet and believing in my potential as an author. and to all the wonderful people at andrews mcmeel publishing, thank you for taking a chance on me and making my dreams come true. you are everything you were ever meant to be. don’t forget to celebrate yourself. celebrate who you are and your potential of becoming.
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Dance in your kitchen and use a pen as a microphone. run outside and spin around in the rain. sing as loud as you can in your car. ask your inner child what they want, and give it to them. you owe it to yourself to live this life in your wild. you owe it to yourself to find out who you are.
Give me space for a second stop blowing dandelion seeds in my face i need a field of sunflowers showing me which way to look your weeds aren’t welcome anymore i am done facing down give me something greater than the earth give me wide-open water i’m tired of this stream please let me have the ocean i need to swim for a while.
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I need to let the waves carry me i need salt i need healing please just give me this space. they told me love is patient love is kind but you showed me that love is harsh love is negativity pointing out the bad love is a sharp tongue love is bladelike teeth always cutting never saying i’m sorry how does this love feel like poison in my blood like i’ve never known iron like i’ve never known oxygen.
Why did you show this hurt to such a little girl her small hands couldn’t handle your blade it ripped her heart open while you poured the acid you can keep your attempt at love i took beatrice to your gravestone but she didn’t know why we stopped there because you can’t explain burial to a dog so i dug up my missing you with tears and no shovel.
And you gave me a little more understanding of my mother when i heard you whisper she’s just tired i wish you were here to remind us to love a little more and judge a little less cause our brand of love is still i told you so when we could use a little more i love you no matter what and i miss stirring gravy barefoot in the kitchen and i miss a little more salt but for you. Please Love Me at My Worst PDF Book
I will try to be a little more sweet and a little more resistant when she reinforces my doubts or pokes holes in my achievements i just really wish you could meet beatrice i have always been a little bit weird a little too fat a target for bullies and you can’t play with us have you ever overheard your best friend call you just a school friend or been told you can’t play a game.
Cause you’re too big so instead of talking to friends you talk to yourself and your stuffed animals write on whatever you can find dance in your room sing karaoke make magic by yourself poor sweet baby you that little girl just wanted to be included to feel loved to be a part of something she may not have belonged, but she belongs to me.
I just wanna wax your eyebrows talk about shrek the musical make out on a picnic blanket just first base shit i’ll get grass in my hair you’ll pick it out i just wanna make you a cake cause it’s monday paint your nails black tell you secrets that i don’t need to keep anymore i just wanna do fun shit roll down a hill cry laughing you’ll get grass in your hair. Please Love Me at My Worst PDF Book
I’ll pick it out i just wanna kiss you or anybody but mainly you trace your lip lines with my finger use lots of tongue but not too sloppy ok, kinda sloppy. i didn’t know at first but then in a full room you looked at me to see if i was laughing i didn’t know at first but then my cheeks kept hurting from smiling at you i didn’t know at first but then your eyes seeped.
Past my eyeline made their way into my soul i didn’t know at first but then i knew that this was me falling in love with you be gentle i am what’s left of a glass house too many stones have been thrown in my shards are sharp but if you move slow i promise they will dull be patient there is a door for you to open it’s just a little hidden but if you make it through i will gladly hand over the key.
Be kind even though my words are harsh i rarely mean it my teeth are serrated but if you don’t bite back my tongue will learn to love you instructions on loving me they always come back when you learn to stop needing them could you come back please and just love me a little while longer i don’t need much just give my hand a squeeze kiss my forehead could you please come back. Please Love Me at My Worst PDF Book
Just for a second just love me in this instance i just want to remember a little better i just want to make sure i don’t forget i wish i could clean up the mess that i made of myself pack it up in boxes drop it off at the thrift store fill garbage bags with my self-criticism rent a dumpster to toss out the insults i throw at myself have a trash fire kindled with unrequited love and all the longing i do that lasts for too long.
Is it thursday already don’t let the garbage truck leave i’m not finished yet i just need a little more time to get this messed cleaned up why was i born with the feeling unworthy gene like my blessings are undeserved like my accomplishments are accidents why can’t i just feel good about the good things not ruin them with heart beating faster my own anxious drum pounding.
Erratically does anyone want to trade brains i’d like a quieter one does anyone want to trade me for sad i’d like happy instead teach me how to love with arms wide open my limbs seem to be permanently crossed i’m stuck here unclench my fists kiss my palms and tell them all my wars have already been fought and the cavalry isn’t coming back remind me about the sun make me look up instead of down. Please Love Me at My Worst PDF Book Download
Wish on my teardrops until they become moonlight i promise they’ll become moonlight please don’t give up on me please love me at my worst i pluck one gray hair every day throw it in the sink it disappears like its job is done taunting me since twenty-two i put sunscreen on my face every morning eye cream on my face every night hangovers feel different at twenty-seven a drunk friday.
Equals still tired on sunday my body aches harder now and i can’t stay awake for more than fifteen hours without an iced coffee or two i thought i was eternal youth drinking from the fountain turns out aging is the only thing i can’t run away from and i don’t know what i’m meant to be if i’m not meant to be young.
I’m drinking cold coffee with cold feet my brain is numb because i forgot to sleep and though i never liked touching people i’d give my right arm to hold your hand can someone please breathe on me again can someone please love me again we don’t talk about friendship breakups enough they’re less concrete less definite less written in ink sometimes. Please Love Me at My Worst PDF Book Download
You just drift away there’s no fight no closure no real ending all you get is an ellipsis if i had a fairy godmother i’d ask her to make me less judgmental i’m sorry my legs are prickly my toenails yellowed nails thin and short i’m sorry there’s a reoccurring pimple under my right nostril and two bright red beacons lining my jaw.
Im sorry there’s a bug bite on my heel my lips are chapped and skin is dry i’m sorry to no one i’m sorry to everyone but most of all i’m sorry to me for constantly cataloging my imperfections why is making decisions so difficult i thought by now i would have this down but left and right always seem to have the same pros and cons.
And i pick neither i can never choose staying or going so i end up in limbo if letting go is a choice i always run toward it but get held back by wanting to hold on how will i ever move forward if i feel so comfortable in the in-between how will i grow if i never take a leap the fool i wish i was a little less virgo moon a little more gemini rising i don’t mind being a scorpio sun. Please Love Me at My Worst PDF Book Download
But i wish it hurt less to be vulnerable and that my cancer mars at twenty-six degrees made me less likely to be angry but not talk about it then blame myself i wish my mercury in sagittarius would stop saying things that are rude but true and i would happily swap my venus in capricorn for taurus or anything a little less analytical
I wish my pisces midheaven had a little more self-resolve and my chiron in leo didn’t try to sabotage my success all i’m asking is to switch some signs shift the sky i just need a little change. today i love me more than i loved you and that’s all i can ask of myself i keep waiting for my coming of age but if i wait it will never come so i will sit here i will float i will write about my body. Please Love Me at My Worst PDF Book Free
The way it doesn’t fit quite right in this bathtub the way it doesn’t fit quite right in this bra the way it doesn’t fit quite right in this dress until i realize it’s not me it’s the bathtub it’s not me it’s the bra it’s not me it’s the dress and i am becoming my coming of age in this very moment. cheers to the bisexuals the lesbians, gays, and queers cheers if you liked to be called all three cheers to the trans folks.
To marsha p. johnson and sylvia rivera thank you for letting me be here cheers to the two-spirit to the nonbinary the questioning the not sure yet cheers to the allies cheers to everyone who did work so i could fully be me. how do i know if a girl likes women i’m looking for rainbows maybe a phone case or key chain is that an equal sign tattoo was that just a friendly smile or something more.
Was that just a friendly message or something more do i need to buy a pair of vans or cuff my jeans can somebody help me over here how do i know if a girl likes me. Please Love Me at My Worst PDF Book Free