Click here to Download The Crossroads of Should and Must PDF Book by Elle Luna English having PDF Size 24.4 MB and No of Pages 160.
I could not stop reading that sentence. It felt like the key that unlocked a thousand doors. It was impossible to tell where his life ended and his paintings began. It was all one huge swirling mix of bullfights and beaches and brushes. Back at the startup, it was 9 a.m. on Thursday, February 7, when we shared our app with the world.
The Crossroads of Should and Must PDF Book by Elle Luna
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The launch was an unmitigated success, and I knew that this moment was one of the highlights of my life. In the back of my mind, I couldn’t help wondering what any of it had to do with my dream of a white room. Should is how other people want us to live our lives. It’s all of the expectations that others layer upon us. Sometimes, Shoulds are small, seemingly innocuous, and easily accommodated.
“You should listen to that song,” for example. At other times, Shoulds are highly influential systems of thought that pressure and, at their most destructive, coerce us to live our lives differently. When we choose Should, we’re choosing to live our life for someone or something other than ourselves. The journey to Should can be smooth, the rewards can seem clear, and the options are often plentiful.
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Must is different. Must is who we are, what we believe, and what we do when we are alone with our truest, most authentic self. It’s that which calls to us most deeply. It’s our convictions, our passions, our deepest held urges and desires—unavoidable, undeniable, and inexplicable. Unlike Should, Must doesn’t accept compromises.
Must is when we stop conforming to other people’s ideals and start connecting to our own—and this allows us to cultivate our full potential as individuals. To choose Must is to say yes to hard work and constant effort, to say yes to a journey without a road map or guarantees, and in so doing, to say yes to what Joseph Campbell called.
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“the experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonance within our innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.” Choosing Must is the greatest thing we can do with our lives. You have to grow up under someone else’s wing. It’s a normal, healthy process for parents to give Shoulds and for children to receive them.
Because you—the child—must learn how to navigate the world. In addition to what you receive from your parents, you inherit a worldview from the community, culture, and specific time into which you are born. As you grow up, you get to decide how you feel about that worldview. It is a natural process to become your own person, to find your voice, convictions, and opinions.
And to challenge and shed the Shoulds that no longer serve your evolving beliefs. But, sometimes, we linger in Should a little longer than expected. If you want to live the fullness of your life—if you want to be free—you must understand, first, why you are not free, what keeps you from being free. The Crossroads of Should and Must PDF Book
The word prison comes from the Latin praehendere, meaning to seize, grasp, capture. A prison doesn’t have to be a physical place; it can be anything your mind creates. What has taken ahold of you? The natural process of socialization requires that the individual be influenced by Shoulds in order to function as a part of society.
However, as you grow up, it is healthy to be selfaware about the Shoulds you inherited. You might value and keep some Shoulds, while others you might choose to discard. If you want to know Must, get to know Should. This is hard work. Really hard work. We unconsciously imprison ourselves to avoid our most primal fears.
We choose Should because choosing Must is terrifying, incomprehensible. Our prison is constructed from a lifetime of Shoulds, the world of choices we’ve unwittingly agreed to, the walls that alienate us from our truest, most authentic selves. Should is the doorkeeper to Must. And just as you create your prison, you can set yourself free. The Crossroads of Should and Must PDF Book
Removing Should is hard and time-consuming. Because in order to remove it, we must first understand it, get to know it—intimately. We need to know each Should’s origins, how it got there, and when we first began to integrate it into our decision-making. Look for recurring patterns, and choices—both little and big— that are affected.
How often do we place blame on the person, job, or situation when the real problem, the real pain, is within us? And we leave and walk away, angry, frustrated, and sad, unconsciously carrying the same Shoulds into a new context— the next relationship, the next job, the next friendship—hoping for different results. But so long as we leave Should unexamined, the pattern repeats.
And while running from Should certainly sounds easier and more pleasant, we must get to know Should if we want to release its invisible grip from our everyday decision-making. If you’re ready to get to know your Shoulds, you can. Here’s one way. Grab a piece of paper, and make a list of the Shoulds you hold on to by completing the sentences from the previous page. The Crossroads of Should and Must PDF Book
You can add more and repeat them if you want. Listen to what comes up first and write it down without thinking too much. Even if it doesn’t make sense right now, it contains a grain of truth worth capturing. Look at your list one by one, and ask the following three questions: “If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path,” Joseph Campbell said.
“Your own path you make with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.” The tabula rasa is the blank page, a new roll of film, the pure canvas of white—unsullied, uncompromised. The term applies to more than just the objects of our creation; it is also a state of mind where nothing is scripted—a place where there is no map, no case study, answer, and the only person who can decide what to do next is you.
Nowhere is the essence of Must more purely exhibited than in childhood. What were you like as a child? What did you enjoy doing? Were you solitary or did you prefer a crowd? Independent or collaborative? Day optimizer or day dreamer? If you don’t remember, call your mom, or someone who knew you well in your early childhood, and ask for stories about what you were like as a kid. The Crossroads of Should and Must PDF Book Download
Take notes on a piece of paper and hold on to them. These stories hold the earliest seeds of your Must. Roz Savage was thirty-three, a management consultant, living “the big life” in London, when she sat down and wrote two versions of her obituary: The first was the life that I wanted to have. I thought of the obituaries that I enjoyed reading, the people that I admired . . . the people [who] really knew how to live.
The second version was the obituary that I was heading for—a conventional, ordinary, pleasant life. The difference between the two was startling. Clearly something was going to have to change. . . . I felt I was getting a few things figured out. But I was like a carpenter with a brand-new set of tools and no wood to work on.
I needed a project. And so I decided to row the Atlantic. Write two versions of your obituary on two pieces of paper. Don’t worry about being overly practical. Consider how your life will progress along the path it’s on. And then consider what might be written if you heed your call. Hang up all of your pieces of paper—notes, lists, obituaries, and skills acquired. The Crossroads of Should and Must PDF Book Download
Put them in a place where the collection can grow and you can see everything all at once. Look for patterns, connections, and recurring themes. Prefer to work in pairs? Hate sitting all day? Find sensory stimulation important for your process? Take note when connections begin to happen between seemingly disparate activities. As new ideas pop up, add them.
As hypotheses emerge, grab them. Then go out and experiment and play with what you’re learning. Share your insights with trusted peers. Integrate their feedback and repeat until you start to home in on your Must. The author T. S. Eliot was also a banker. Another writer, Kurt Vonnegut, sold cars.
One of the greatest composers of our time, Philip Glass, didn’t earn a living from his calling making music until he was forty-two. Even as his work was premiering at the Met, he worked as a plumber and renewed his taxi license, just in case. You might have a nine-to-five job while you pursue your calling on nights and weekends. The Crossroads of Should and Must PDF Book Download
Or you might focus on your calling full-time and make a living from it. There are many options to choose from, and there is dignity in all work. Just because you have a job to pay the bills does not make it dirty. And just because you want to find your calling does not mean you need to quit your job. You get to play with these three types of work and decide what’s right for you and your life.
Albert Einstein struggled for almost two years to find work after college, until a friend offered him a desk job reviewing patents inside a room with a window overlooking a cloister. In his biography of Einstein, Walter Isaacson writes: “He came to believe that it was a benefit to his science, rather than a burden, to work instead in ‘that worldly cloister where I hatched my most beautiful ideas.
There are two types of money—Must-Have and Nice-to-Have. Must Have money is a solid, fixed number that we do not want to risk not having. We will not be able to focus on our Must if we are worried about not being able to eat. This number is often smaller than you might assume. At its most basic, it includes food and shelter. Nice-to-Have Money is extra, above-and-beyond money. The Crossroads of Should and Must PDF Book Download
Too often, we confuse Nice-to-Have money with Must-Have. Just because something is valuable doesn’t mean that we need it. It will always be nicer to have more Nice-to-Have money. What are the things that you must have to live? What about things that are nice to have? Is a car nice to have or a must-have? A safer place to live?
More frequent, considered life experiences? Supporting your family? Paying off loans? A bus pass? Child care? Prototypes for your new idea? A space to work? Beyond the absolutes, money is a game, and you can play it any way you want. If you’re not prioritizing the things you say you care about, consider the possibility that you don’t actually care about those things.
Often, knowing what we want is the hardest part. What do you want? Do you know? I once attended a dinner party where guests were invited to write down their wildest, craziest dreams on notecards. These were the kinds of dreams that you rarely admitted because you wanted them not just a little bit or kind of, but deeply, murderously, sacrilegiously. The Crossroads of Should and Must PDF Book Free
I listened to people share their audacious dreams, their terrifying dreams. And when it was my turn to share, I looked at my cards and saw a lifeless, wilting collection of boring dreams that I couldn’t have cared less about. I went home, pinned my boring dreams on the wall next to my bed, and got serious about making them better.
Getting to know what I wanted required heightened sensitivity, and it started by staying alert to my urges and wants—little and big. This heightened my intuition and connected me to that little voice in my head that wants things—crazy things, silly things, dirty things, quiet things. The more I fed it, the louder it spoke.
Cards spilled into the bathroom, above the kitchen sink. Wants fell out of coat pockets and into other people’s purses. It turns out that the more intimate we are with what we want, the more self-aware we will be about how we spend our time. We all have a net of obligations and time constraints—both real and imagined. The most effective way to find your Must is to find ten minutes. The Crossroads of Should and Must PDF Book Free
Because while running away from all of your obligations to focus uninterrupted on your Must for months sounds romantic, the harder, trickier, and more sustainable way is to make shifts every day within your existing reality. To integrate, not obliterate. Finding pockets of time for your Must is a daily effort. And once you have that pocket of time, move from thinking about your Must to doing something about it.