Click here to Download The Vulnerable Man PDF Book by Anderson Thomas English having PDF Size 3.5 MB and No of Pages 191.
And so it’s New Year’s Eve, the last day of the year, a year filled with events. Christmas was good with everyone here, the boys were with us so on Christmas Eve we were nine people here. The boys left for their father’s on Monday, so now C and I have a little time to ourselves, just us and the cats.
The Vulnerable Man PDF Book by Anderson Thomas
|Name of Book||The Vulnerable Man|
|PDF Size||3.5 MB|
|No of Pages||191|
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It’s nice to have some time off, I feel like it’s been a lot before the holidays, and then I got the flu on the last week, I still worked a little even though I should’ve stayed at home. So, I was a bit tired over Christmas. Unfortunately, I couldn’t go with the others to my father-in-law’s on the 20th, I had to stay at home and rest.
Then I feel that even though it’s been a couple of really good days, it’s a lot with all the people around. I’m often bad at taking time off for myself. Instead I try to do stuff for everyone else and forget about myself, classic Thomas… During the last couple of days, I’ve felt restless, a little grumpy, tired, I want to do stuff and at the same time I don’t.
I took a walk today and felt like my head was empty and I couldn’t think. I think that’s it. I need to rest but I can’t find peace. That’s why I need to move my body, then take it easy, socialize when I have the energy for it. Hang out with people who give me energy. It feels so weird when we’ve been together talking and I’ve been there but I’ve felt empty.
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Like I should talk more or give more, but I ha ven’t known what to say. But it’s okay just to be there. Yes, I have to think about that, how to create a break for myself without putting the responsibility on others. I need to find my rest and my way of charging my batteries. It has in any case been a very good year.
I’ve met friends, managed a guys’ weekend in Copenhagen with the guys from Linköping. And I’ve done well at my job, almost reached my sales target. I’ve received very positive critique from my boss, the regional vice manager and the regional manager. Got an award in our group at the Christmas party. It feels very good that everything’s going well and that I’m getting good results.
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I think of it, maybe my colleagues feel done with me and just want me to move on… Wow, that’s tough, it’s easier to move on to something new than to stay… I wonder if that’s the case, is that why I fix a lot—because I don’t want people to really get to know me? That people only like me for the things I do and if I don’t deliver then nobody wants me.
Mm, maybe that’s part of it, take it easier, make room in my calendar for colleagues and friends. I don’t have to stress and feel that I have to deliver something big and new or that I have to work myself to death to be liked. It’s time to pause, enjoy, and be available and open for whatever comes.
Mm, I think that’s it… exciting. I’ll have to come back to that . This was an incredibly difficult time, but I didn’t let anyone know, I just soldiered on. Things were extremely stressful at work; it felt as if everything was being ripped away from me, everything I had built up. I was being questioned, I got insufficient support from management, the client was very angry, and I didn’t know what to say during the client meetings. The Vulnerable Man PDF Book
I judged myself very harshly and thought things like, “Why didn’t I see this earlier?”; “I should have seen it coming” and “I suck.” At the same time, I had other clients with whom everything was fine, and I kept working with them. I also remember that I used to check my email whenever I had the chance; on the tram, between meetings, in the mornings when I woke up, before I went to bed.
In the six weeks when my band had five gigs, late Fridays and Saturdays, I also had to deliver on stage. But I checked my work email between the soundcheck and the gig. I clearly remember the stress with my phone, checking my email, seeing if anything had happened and thinking I should reply right away.
I believe that the constant availability we face today poses a problem that we haven’t learned to handle. On my part, I meant well, I wanted to be able to help, but at this time I did too much, stretched myself too thin, and didn’t prioritize my own recovery. I was unable to put up boundaries; I was always connected and available. The Vulnerable Man PDF Book
I couldn’t keep myself from checking my email, Facebook and other social media. And I don’t think I am alone in this. I was always connected, never relaxed—and how should I handle that when I am a person who absorbs so much information? This is a relatively new situation. I got my first smartphone in 2011; before that, I had to connect my laptop to have access to my email.
Meaning that before 2011 I could choose when I wanted to check my email—now, people could reach me wherever I was. As I have said before, I was always a social person and an active member in many different groups, and perhaps I was somewhat of a seeker, looking for meaning, trying to find my place in life.
I looked for different groups where I would fit in, but never really gave it enough time and energy to actually end up feeling like I fit in. I almost always felt like an outsider. I sought out different contexts and situations, tried new things, and it worked well and people liked me. But I never fully trusted and accepted that I was liked. The Vulnerable Man PDF Book
I created a barrier and kept people away, creating distance between us. I remember specifically one situation when I met some old university buddies. We had spent a lot of time together and about a year after we had all graduated and started our different careers, I got invited to a wedding.
I declined; I was renovating an apartment and said that I didn’t have time to go, but what I really thought was that they had only invited me out of sympathy. I have had that thought in many contexts: “We’re only inviting Thomas because everyone else in the gang has been invited.” Now I know that I was being too hard on myself.
It is difficult to pinpoint what caused this feeling in me. And I think that many people who know me don’t understand it. They saw me as a person with a big social circle, a well-liked person, easygoing—and that was true. I was that person, I knew what to do, I had fun, I got to know lots of people, and I had many acquaintances. The Vulnerable Man PDF Book Download
But I missed true closeness and openness. Did they really like me —or did they like the role I played? Following my feelings and intuition is something I had done before, but at this time I had forgotten how to do it. Instead, I had soldiered on, focusing on all the musts and things I “should” do. I had lost a part of myself that used to exist naturally, and I had played many roles to fit in and please other people.
To me, intuition is the thing that bubbles up in my mind, the feeling that I should head in a certain direction, it grows stronger and stronger— even if I don’t know exactly what will come of it. A clear example of this is when I quit my job at Volvo. It was a very tough and risky thing to do, but I just felt that I had to do something else even if I didn’t know exactly what that would be.
Another clear example is the feeling I had when C and I got together; it involved many challenges—how would I handle having children, how would everything work out—but I just followed my feeling, which told me that this was the road I was supposed to take. Many different authors and books have influenced me in that direction, to follow my feeling or intuition more. The Vulnerable Man PDF Book Download
It started around 2009 as I began to absorb these new thoughts. I had just passed 30 and was in a transformational phase in life. I had recently ended my first long term relationship, things were changing at work, and I guess I had my first crisis about what to do with my life. At the same time, I attended a long leadership and personal development course at Volvo that really got me thinking.
One of the first books was The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield, 1995), which a friend had told me about. My friend told me to read it after we had talked about feeling things intuitively. I talked about different things that I could usually feel, but that I didn’t follow the feeling and that things often didn’t work out the way I had hoped.
I realized that I should have trusted in the feeling I had. I bought the book on a Friday and was immediately hooked, finishing it over the weekend. And that same weekend something happened that strongly influenced me and made me believe in and follow my feelings and intuition. As I said, I was completely immersed in the book and had read all through the Saturday. The Vulnerable Man PDF Book Download
The book mainly takes places in Lima, Peru, and it speaks a lot about following your feelings and that things happen for a reason. At this time, I was single and had joined an online dating community. I can now see that my relationship with C had come to a halt, it had grown cold and I realized how it had gradually come to this. How I played a part in losing the spark between us.
I thought that I shouldn’t be difficult and bring up the little things that were on my mind. I didn’t have the courage to talk about how I felt because I was afraid that it might cause a breakup or that it would arouse doubts or insecurity in C. But by holding myself back, I became an empty shell who just performed tasks.
I didn’t know who I was, how the emotional Thomas thought and lived. I was being practical, nothing more. At the same time, I stopped doing things that I needed to feel well, such as exercising and creating me-time. I felt that the relationship wasn’t good enough and I tried to do more, but instead I almost smothered it by being there too much and trying to please her all the time. The Vulnerable Man PDF Book Download
Obviously, I don’t know exactly what the difference would have been if I had been more open and better understood what I needed, but at least I wouldn’t have lost myself. If I had expressed what I needed and how I felt, then we could have talked about it. We would have been able to increase the understanding for each other and also the understanding of how we develop and think.
It is my belief that a relationship becomes more alive when we are there for real and have the courage to be who we are. And by being that, we attract those who like us for who we are. Naturally, we are all different and have different needs, but to play a role in order to fit in doesn’t work for anyone in the long run.
It is unkind, both to others and to yourself. If you do what I did and not bring up bad things in a relationship or at work, the conflict remains unresolved. I didn’t express my feelings or opinions, didn’t want to enter into the conflict. The result was that I suffered from burnout and that my relationship bore the brunt because I didn’t have the courage to talk about my feelings. The Vulnerable Man PDF Book Free
So, if we can defuse the conflict, have the courage to listen to our own voice, talk about things more easily, try to talk about the difficult stuff, then we can also feel better in the long run—both individually and in our relationships with other people. I now realized that I would regret it if I didn’t allow myself to feel everything.
Even if I should become sad or get hurt, or it should become painful, I would regret it if I didn’t take the chance. By having the courage to feel, I knew that I was trying and that I would not later regret holding back. Because if I held back and we separated because of it, I would regret it.