Click here to Download Women Who Love Too Much PDF Book by Robin Norwood having PDF Size 1.5 MB and No of Pages265.
Right from the start, Jill was willing to take more responsibility than Randy for initiating the relationship and keeping it going. Like so many women who love too much, she was obviously a very responsible person, a high achiever who was succeeding in many areas of her life, but who nevertheless had little self-esteem.
Women Who Love Too Much PDF Book by Robin Norwood
|Name of Book||Women Who Love Too Much|
|PDF Size||1.5 MB|
|No of Pages||265|
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The realization of her academic and career goals could not counterbalance the personal failure she endured in her love relationships. Every phone call Randy forgot to make dealt a serious blow to her fragile self-image, which she then worked heroically to shore up by trying to extract signs of caring from him.
Her willingness to take full blame for a failed relationship was typical, as was her inability to assess the situation realistically and take care of herself by pulling out when the lack of reciprocity became apparent. Women who love too much have little regard for their personal integrity in a love relationship.
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They pour their energies into changing the other person’s behavior or feelings toward them through desperate manipulations, such as Jill’s expensive long-distance phone calls and flights to San Diego (remember, her budget was extremely limited). Her long-distance “therapy sessions” with him were much more an attempt to make him into the man she needed him to be than to help him discover who he was.
Actually, Randy did not want to help in discovering who he was. If he had been interested in such a journey of self-discovery, he would have done most of the work himself, rather than sitting by passively while Jill tried to force him to analyze himself. She made these efforts her only other alternative was to recognize and accept him for what he was—a man who was careless of her feelings and of the relationship.
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Trudi rubbed her brow and continued thoughtfully. “There’s another feeling, too. Sad. I think I felt sad all the time, but I never told anyone. If someone had asked, ‘What do you feel inside?’ I would have said I was fine, absolutely fine. Even if I could have said I was sad, I could never have explained why. How could I justify feeling that way? I wasn’t suffering. Nothing important was missing from my life.
I mean, we never missed a meal, never went without anything we needed.” Trudi was still unable to fully acknowledge the depth of her emotional isolation in that family. She had suffered from a dearth of nurturing and attention because of a father who was virtually inaccessible and a mother who was consumed by her anger and frustration with him.
This had left Trudi and her sister starved emotionally. Ideally, as she grew up Trudi would have been able to practice sharing who she was with her parents in return for their love and attention, but her parents were unable to be on the receiving end of this gift of herself; they were too caught up in their battle of wills. So, as she grew older she took herself and her gift of love (in the guise of sex) elsewhere. Women Who Love Too Much PDF Book
But she offered herself to equally unwilling or unavailable recipients. What else, after all, did she know how to do? Nothing else would have felt “right” or would have fit with the lack of love and attention to which she was already accustomed. “The next day was Saturday. Gary was gone for a while and I was cleaning up the mess, crying and throwing out three years’ worth of paintings.
I had the television on to distract myself, and this woman who had been beaten by her husband was being interviewed. You couldn’t see her face, but she was talking about how her life had been and she described some pretty awful scenes and then said, ‘I didn’t think it was that bad because I could still stand it.’” Lisa shook her head slowly.
“That’s what I was doing, staying in this terrible situation because I could still stand it. When I heard that woman, I said, aloud, ‘But you deserve something more than the worst thing you can stand!’ And suddenly I heard myself and I started crying really hard because I realized, so did I. I deserved more than the pain and the frustration and the expense and the chaos. Women Who Love Too Much PDF Book
With every ruined painting I said to myself, I won’t live this way anymore.” When Gary came home, his things were packed and waiting for him outside the front door. Lisa had called her best friend, who brought her husband with her, and the couple helped Lisa to have the courage to tell Gary to leave. “There wasn’t a scene because my friends were there, so he just left.
Later he started calling me and threatening me, but I wouldn’t respond in any way, so after a while he gave up. “I want you to understand, though, that I didn’t do it by myself—not respond, I mean. I called my mother that afternoon, after all the dust had settled, and told her the whole story.
She told me to begin going to Al-Anon meetings for adult children of alcoholics. It was only because I was in so much pain that I listened to her.” We were in an art class together for a whole semester and never spoke to each other. When the second semester began, several of us were together again in another class, and on the first day we all got into this heavy discussion about relationships between men and women. Women Who Love Too Much PDF Book
Well, this guy started talking about American women being totally spoiled, wanting to have everything their own way, and how they just used men. He was dripping with venom as he was saying all this, and I thought, Oh, he’s really been hurt. Poor thing. I asked him, “Do you really think that’s true?” and I started trying to prove to him somehow that women weren’t all like that—that I wasn’t like that.
Look at how I set myself up! Later on in our relationship, I would not be able to make any demands or take care of myself in any way, or I’d be proving him right in his misogyny. And all my concern that morning in class worked. He was hooked, too. He said, “I’ll be back. I wasn’t going to stick with this class, but I want to talk to you some more!”
I remember that right then there was this terrific rush, because already I felt I was making a difference to him. In less than two months, we were living together. In four months, I was paying the rent and almost every other bill, plus buying the groceries. But I kept trying, for two more years, to prove to him how nice I was, how I wasn’t going to hurt him the way he’d already been hurt. Women Who Love Too Much PDF Book Download
I got hurt quite a bit in the process, at first just emotionally, then physically, too. No one could be as angry as he was at women and not want to push one of them around. Of course, I was sure that was my fault too. It’s a miracle I got out. I met a former girlfriend of his and she asked me, right out, “Does he ever hit you?” I said, “Well, not really.” I was protecting him, of course, and I didn’t want to look like a total fool, either.
But I knew she knew because she’d been there, too. At first I panicked. It was the same feeling I had as a kid—not wanting anyone to see behind the facade. Everything in me wanted to lie, to act like she had a lot of nerve, asking such a question. But she looked at me with so much understanding that it didn’t make sense to go on pretending.
Let’s look again at the situation above and see how Mary could stay off that deadly triangle with Tom. By now, Mary has started developing her spirituality, and she is aware that she has no business trying to manage and control Tom. Because she is working on taking care of herself, earlier this evening, when it began to get late and Tom hadn’t come home, instead of allowing herself to get nervous and worked up about it, she called a friend in her support group. Women Who Love Too Much PDF Book Download
They talked about her mounting fear, which helped to calm her. Mary needed someone to hear how she felt, and her friend listened with understanding but without giving advice. After she hung up, she practiced one of her favorite affirmations: “My life is divinely guided, and I grow in peace, security, and serenity every day, every hour.”
Since no one can hold two separate thoughts at once, Mary found that as she gave her thoughts over to the soothing words of the affirmation, she became calm and even relaxed. By the time Tom got home at 11:30, she was asleep. He woke her when he came into the room, and she immediately felt the annoyance and anger returning, so she repeated her affirmation to herself a couple of times and said, “Hi, Tom. I’m glad you’re home.”
Now, Tom has always been used to a battle under these circumstances, and was a little nonplussed at her casual greeting. “I was going to call you, but . . .” he begins his excuse defensively. Mary waits till he’s finished and says, “We can talk about it in the morning if you like. I’m too sleepy now. Good night.” Women Who Love Too Much PDF Book Free
If Tom was feeling guilty about the lateness of the hour, a fight with Mary would actually have eased his guilt. He could then tell himself that she was a nagging shrew and the problem would become hers, for nagging, instead of his, for being late. As it is, he’s left with his guilt, and she’s not suffering because of his actions. That’s the way it should be.
“We enjoy a lot of the same things—sailing and bicycling and hiking. We share almost identical values, and when we do have a quarrel, he’s a clean fighter. In fact, having an argument with Hal is almost a pleasure. But at first even the open, frank talks we had about our disagreements were scary for me.
I wasn’t used to someone being so honest and up front about how he felt and expecting me to be the same way. Hal helped me not to be afraid to say what I thought or ask for what I needed fromhim, because he’s never punished me for being honest. We always end up settling whatever it’s about and feeling closer afterward. He’s the best friend I’ve ever had, and I’m proud to be seen with him. Women Who Love Too Much PDF Book Free
So, yes, I think I love him, but if I’m in love with him, why can’t I have a good time in bed with him? There’s nothing wrong with the way he makes love, either. He’s very considerate, really wants to please me. That’s very new for me. He’s not as aggressive as Jim was, but I don’t think that’s the problem. I know he thinks I’m wonderful, and gets really excited about me, but nothing much happens on my end.
I’m cold and kind of embarrassed a lot of the time. After the way I used to be, it doesn’t make any sense, does it?” I’m glad to be able to reassure her. “Actually, Trudi, it makes perfect sense. What you’re going through now is something that many women who have similar histories to yours, and who have been able to recover, find themselves facing when they begin to relate to a man who is an appropriate partner.
The excitement, the challenge, the old knot in the stomach just aren’t there, and since that is what ‘love’ has always felt like before, they are afraid that something very important is missing. What’s missing is the craziness, the pain, the fear, the waiting, and the hoping. “And sometimes,” I continue, “sex works very well when we’re obsessed. Women Who Love Too Much PDF Book Free
All those strong feelings of excitement and anxious anticipation, even dread, contribute to a powerful package that gets called love. Actually, it’s anything but. Still, it’s what all the songs tell us love is. The ‘I can’t live without you, baby’ stuff. Hardly anyone writes songs about how easy and comfortable a healthy love relationship is. They’re all writing about fear and pain and loss and heartache.