Click here to Download Love Is a Dog from Hell PDF Book by Charles Bukowski Language English having PDF Size 1.2 MB and No of Pages 336.
“You know,” she said, “you were at the bar so you didn’t see but I danced with this guy. we danced and we danced close. but I didn’t go home with him because he knew I was with you.” “thanks a bunch,” I said. she was always thinking of sex. she carried it around with her like something in a paper bag. such energy. she never forgot.
Love Is a Dog from Hell PDF Book by Charles Bukowski
|Name of Book||Love Is a Dog from Hell|
|PDF Size||1.2 MB|
|No of Pages||336|
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She stared at every man available in morning cafes over bacon and eggs or later over a noon sandwich or a steak dinner. “I’ve modeled myself after Marilyn Monroe,” she told me. “she’s always running off to some local disco to dance with a baboon,” a friend once told me, “I’m amazed that you’ve stood for it as long as you have.”
She’d vanish at racetracks then come back and say, “three men offered to buy me a drink.” it beats love because there aren’t any wounds: in the morning she turns on the radio, Brahms or Ives or Stravinsky or Mozart. she boils the eggs counting the seconds out loud: 56, 57, 58…she peels the eggs, brings them to me in bed. after breakfast it’s the same chair and listen to the classical music.
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She’s on her first glass of scotch and her third cigarette. I tell her I must go to the racetrack. she’s been here about 2 nights and 2 days. “when will I see you again?” I ask. she suggests that might be up to me. I nod and Mozart plays. I got his ashes, she said, and I took them out to sea and I scattered his ashes and they didn’t even look like ashes and the urn was weighted with green and blue pebbles…
He didn’t leave you any of his millions? nothing, she said. after having to eat all those breakfasts and lunches and dinners with him? after listening to all his bullshit? he was a brilliant man. you know what I mean. anyhow, I got the ashes. and you fucked my sisters. I never fucked your sisters. yes, you did. I fucked one of them. which one? the lesbian, I said, she bought me dinner and drinks, I had very little choice.
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I’m going, she said. don’t forget your bottle. she went in and got it. there’s so little to you, she said, that when you die and they burn you they’ll have to add almost all green and blue pebbles. all right, I said. I’ll see you in 6 months! she screamed and slammed the door. well, I thought, I guess in order to get rid of her I’ll have to fuck her other sister.
I walked into the bedroom and started looking for phone numbers. all I remembered was that she lived in San Mateo and had a very good. job. women don’t know how to love, she told me. you know how to love but women just want to leech. I know this because I’m a woman. hahaha, I laughed. so don’t worry about your breakup with Susan because she’ll just leech onto somebody else.
We talked a while longer then I said goodbye hungup went into the crapper and took a good beershit mainly thinking, well, I’m still alive and have the ability to expell wastes from my body. and poems. and as long as that’s happening I have the ability to handle betrayal loneliness hangnail clap and the economic reports in the financial section. with that I stood up wiped flushed then thought: it’s true: I know how to love. Love Is a Dog from Hell PDF Book
I pulled up my pants and walked into the other room. then there was the time in New Orleans I was living with a fat woman, Marie, in the French Quarter and I got very sick. while she was at work I got down on my knees in the kitchen that afternoon and prayed. I was not a religious man but it was a very dark afternoon and I prayed: “Dear God: if you will let me live, I promise You I’ll never take another drink.”
I kneeled there and it was just like a movie— as I finished praying the clouds parted and the sun came through the curtains and fell upon me. then I got up and took a crap. there was a big spider in Marie’s bathroom but I crapped anyhow. an hour later I began feeling much better. I took a walk around the Quarter and smiled at people. I stopped at the grocery and got a couple of 6 packs for Marie.
I began feeling so good that an hour later I sat in the kitchen and opened one of the beers. I drank that and then another one and then I went in and killed the spider. when Marie got home from work I gave her a big kiss, then sat in the kitchen and talked as she cooked dinner. she asked me what had happened that day and I told her I had killed the spider. she didn’t get angry. she was a good sort. Love Is a Dog from Hell PDF Book
She sits up there drinking wine while her husband is at work. she puts quite some importance upon getting her poems published in the little magazines. she’s had two or three of her slim volumes of poems done in mimeo. she has two or three children between the ages of 6 and 15. she is no longer the beautiful woman she was. she sends photos of herself sitting upon a rock by the ocean alone and damned.
I could have had her once. I wonder if she thinks I could have saved her? I get many phonecalls now. They are all alike. “are you Charles Bukowski, the writer?” “yes,” I tell them. and they tell me that they understand my writing, and some of them are writers or want to be writers and they have dull and horrible jobs and they can’t face the room the apartment the walls that night— they want somebody to talk to,
And they can’t believe that I can’t help them that I don’t know the words. they can’t believe that often now I double up in my room grab my gut and say “Jesus Jesus Jesus, not again!” they can’t believe that the loveless people the streets the loneliness the walls are mine too. and when I hang up the phone they think I have held back my secret. Love Is a Dog from Hell PDF Book
They photograph you on your porch and on your couch and standing in the courtyard or leaning against your car these photographers women with big asses which look better to you than do their eyes or their souls —this playing at author it’s real Hemingway James Joyce stageshit but look.
There are the books you’ve written them you haven’t been to Paris but you’ve written all those books there behind you (and others not there, lost or stolen) all you’ve got to do is look like Bukowski for the cameras but you keep watching those astonishingly big asses and thinking— somebody else is getting it “look into my eyes.”
They say and click their cameras and flash their cameras and fondle their cameras Hemingway used to box or go fishing or to the bullfights but after they leave you jerk-off into the sheets and take a hot bath they never send the photos like they promise to send the photos and the astonishingly big asses are gone forever and you’ve been a fine literary fellow. Love Is a Dog from Hell PDF Book
Now alive dead soon enough looking into and at their eyes and souls and more. I’m soft. I dream too. I let myself dream. I dream of being famous. I dream of walking the streets of London and Paris. I dream of sitting in cafes drinking fine wines and taking a taxi back to a good hotel. I dream of meeting beautiful ladies in the hall and turning them away because I have a sonnet in mind that.
I want to write before sunrise. at sunrise I will be asleep and there will be a strange cat curled up on the windowsill. I think we all feel like this now and then. I’d even like to visit Andernach, Germany, the place where I began. then I’d like to fly on to Moscow to check out their mass transit system so I’d have something faintly lewd to whisper into the ear of the mayor of Los Angeles upon my return to this fucking place.
It could happen. I’m ready. I’ve watched snails climb over ten foot walls and vanish. you mustn’t confuse this with ambition. I would be able to laugh at my good turn of the cards— and I won’t forget you. I’ll send postcards and snapshots, and the finished sonnet. the Mexican dancer shook her fans at me and her ass at me. Love Is a Dog from Hell PDF Book Download
I didn’t ask her to and my woman got mad and ran out of the cafe and it began raining and you could hear it on the roof and I didn’t have a job and I had 13 days left on the rent. sometimes when a woman runs out on you like that you wonder if it’s not economics, you can’t blame them— if I had to get fucked I’d rather get fucked by somebody with money.
We’re all scared but when you’re ugly and you don’t have much left you get strong, and I called the waiter over and I said, I think I am going to turn this table over, I’m bored, I’m insane, I need action, call in your goon, I’ll piss on his collarbone. I got thrown out swiftly. it was raining. I picked myself up in the rain and walked down the empty street cotton candy sweet dumb shit for sale.
All the little stores locked with 67¢ Woolworth locks. I reached the end of the street in time to see her get into the yellow cab with another guy. dogs and angels are not very different. I often go to this place to eat about 2:30 in the afternoon because all the people who eat there are particularly addled simply glad to be alive and eating baked beans near a plate glass window which holds the heat. Love Is a Dog from Hell PDF Book Download
And doesn’t let the cars and sidewalks inside. we are allowed as much free coffee as we can drink and we sit and quietly drink the black strong coffee. it is good to be sitting someplace in a world at 2:30 in the afternoon without having the flesh ripped from your bones. even being addled, we know this. nobody bothers us we bother nobody.
I’m glad when they arrive and I’m glad when they leave I’m glad when I hear their heels approaching my door and I’m glad when those heels walk away I’m glad to fuck I’m glad to care and I’m glad when it’s over. I continued to rub the cunt. “you want an apple?” I asked. “sure,” she said, “you got one?” but I got to her— she began to twist then she rolled on her side.
She was getting wet and open like a flower in the rain. then she rolled on her stomach and her most beautiful ass looked up at me and I reached under and got the cunt again. she reached around and got my cock, she rolled and twisted, I mounted my face falling into the mass of red hair that overflowed from her head and my fattened cock entered into the miracle. Love Is a Dog from Hell PDF Book Free
Later we joked about the lotion and the cigarette and the apple. then I went out and got some chicken and shrimp and french fries and buns and mashed potatoes and gravy and cole slaw, and we ate. she told me how good she felt and I told her how good I felt and we ate the chicken and the shrimp and the french fries and the buns and the mashed potatoes and the gravy and the cole slaw too.
I go to pick her up. she’s on some errand. she always has errands many things to do. I have nothing to do. she comes out of her apartment I see her move toward my car she is barefooted dressed casually except for huge ear rings. I light a cigarette and when I look up she is stretched out on the street a quite busy street all 112 pounds of her as beautiful as anything you might imagine.