Click here to Download One More Try PDF Book by Gary Chapman Language English having PDF Size 3.1 MB and No of Pages 150.
All marriages, of course, endure ups and downs. But some need more than a “tune-up” or a weekend away from the kids. Some— like those above—need saving. More often than not this will require the intervention of a professional therapist. I have devoted many years to helping people with troubled relationships. Many of those who have come to my oce entered at the point of marital separation.
One More Try PDF Book by Gary Chapman
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About Book – One More Try PDF Book
The stress level in their marriage reached a point where one spouse had walked out. The pain of separation and the real possibility of divorce drove them to seek help. Others were not yet at the point of walking out, but were considering separation. Either way, they were rapidly losing hope for the survival of their marriage. They were at the point where they “couldn’t take it anymore.”
Part of my role as a counselor is to provide hope. Whether you are currently living apart or simply feel that your marriage is falling apart, you need to know that you are not alone and that there is hope. You need to know that your marriage is worth ghting for. I won’t tell you that this is easy. As one counselor puts it, “It’s easy to fall in love, but very hard to ght for love.”1 In our society, it is also profoundly countercultural.
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In this book we will explore the reasons why staying together is the better way. We will address honestly what to do when a marriage cannot be saved. We will share stories of couples who brought their marriages “back from the brink.” This book does not contain easy answers or rigid formulas. There is no simple medication for a marriage diseased to the point of separation.
But for those who really want help, even if the medicine is hard to swallow, read on. Your chances of recovery are good. For pastors, lay counselors, and relatives who want to help those in the throes of marital discord or separation, I have sought to give practical, hopeful answers in language that everyone can understand.
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A number of helpful books have been written for those already divorced, but few, in my opinion, deal adequately with those struggling with separation or contemplating the end of their marriage. As Kevin heard from his pastor, it is not to be assumed that separation always leads to divorce.
Separation may just as well lead to a restored, enriched, growing marriage—but that is an outcome that must be determined by the individuals involved. It also should not be assumed that a marital crisis—the kind where one or both partners feel as if they “can’t take it anymore” and seriously consider splitting up—inevitably leads to divorce.
If your marriage is marked by more days of conict than companionship, you might be wondering, “Where did it all go? What happened to the dream of lifelong love and commitment?” If you are separated, it may feel like a little death. Every day your spouse’s absence reminds you of what you have lost. If you are physically together but emotionally estranged, that, too, can feel like something is dying—a dream, a hope. One More Try PDF Book
We speak of the “valley of the shadow of death.” But a shadow is not to be equated with death itself. Your marriage crisis, separated or not, may be the valley of restoration, and the pain you feel may be the labor pains that will give rebirth to your marriage. On the other hand, separation may be the beginning of the end.
The fruit of your separation will be determined by what you and your spouse say and do in the next few weeks and months. In a very real sense, a marriage in crisis calls for intensive care, much like that given to one in grave physical danger. The condition of your marriage is “critical.” Things can go either way at any moment. Proper medication is essential, which is the purpose of this book.
Surgery may be required. That will call for the services of a counselor or pastor. What you do in the next few weeks will determine the quality of your life for years to come. Be assured, God is concerned about the outcome. You can count on Him for supernatural help. This is not the time to capitulate. The battle for marital unity is not over until the death certicate is signed. One More Try PDF Book
The dreams and hopes you shared when you got married are still worth ghting for. You married each other because you were in love (or thought you were at the time). You dreamed of the perfect marriage in which each made the other supremely happy. What happened to that dream? What went wrong? What can you do to correct it?
Our personalities greatly inuence the way we live. The tragedy of our day is that we have been led to believe that our personalities are set in concrete by age ve or six, and that our destinies are determined. Many feel trapped. They look at the thought, feeling, and behavior patterns that have caused them problems in the past and conclude that nothing can be done to change those patterns.
But nothing could be further from the truth. It is true that as adults those tendencies may persist. That is, we are inuenced by certain personality patterns. Our lives, however, do not have to be governed by those patterns. The whole idea of education, spiritual conversion, and Christian growth stands in opposition to determinism, the idea that our quality of life is determined by patterns established in childhood. One More Try PDF Book
The message of the Bible is that we are responsible for the quality of the life we live. Our response to God, our conscious decisions, our choice of attitudes will determine that quality. We must not see ourselves enslaved by our personalities. We need to understand our personality patterns, to utilize our strengths for good, and to seek growth in the areas of weakness.
Excel in your strengths and grow in your weaknesses. What do you know about yourself? What kind of person have you been through the years? Has your spirit been negative or positive toward life? One wife said, “My husband is so negative that when he wakes up in the morning he either says, ‘Oh, no, I overslept!’ or, ‘Oh, no, I woke up too early!’”
For that husband, every day started o wrong. With that attitude there is no way to win. That may appear foolish as you read it, but thousands of people choose to live life with just that attitude. Something is always wrong with everything. Could that be your attitude? If so, do you think it contributed to the breakdown of your marriage? One More Try PDF Book Download
Can you imagine the emotional drain on your spouse when he or she hears your daily newscast of doom? Are you critical or complimentary toward others? Toward yourself? Look back over this day. Have you given yourself a compliment? Have you complimented anyone else? On the other hand, have you made a critical statement about someone? About yourself?
Has that been a pattern of life for you? How has that aected your marriage? What have been your patterns of communication? Do you tend to hold things inside or let them out? One wife reported, “My husband did not share with me what was going on in his life. He basically lived his life, and I lived mine. I did not like it, but I did not know what to do about it. One day he came home and told me he was leaving.
I couldn’t believe it. I had no idea that it was that bad.” Others may not come to you, but as you express interest in others by initiating conversation, they will become interested in you. When you show concern for the well-being of others, you will nd that concern being returned to you. As you build caring relationships, emotional loneliness dissipates. Let me say a word about social media. One More Try PDF Book Download
While it is certainly a place to meet people, it is not the safest place. And while you may communicate with friends and family on social media, it is face-toface relationships that are safest and most helpful. The title of James Johnson’s thoughtful book pungently proclaims the truth: loneliness is not forever. You may feel locked into a hopeless situation. You are separated, but not divorced.
Free to hurt, but not to remarry. Lonely and alone. But just as separation is a temporary state, so loneliness is only a passageway—a hallway, not a living room. On one end of the hall is depression, immobility, pain, and darkness, but on the other is life, love, and meaning. You are in the middle of the hallway. Perhaps you are even lying on the oor crying.
But eventually, you will get up. When you do, I hope you will start walking (perhaps crawling at rst) toward the door of hope. Just through that door are some loving people who will accept you as you are and help you become what you want to be. Loneliness is not forever! Reconciliation is not always possible. Your best eorts may meet with coldness, hostility, and eventual failure. One More Try PDF Book Download
Even God was not always able to be reconciled to His people. “For all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce” (Jeremiah 3:8 NASB). Reconciliation is not always possible because it requires the response of two people, and neither can force the other to return. Human freedom is real. God would not force Israel to return.
He put pressure on the nation by allowing its enemies to triumph. He removed His hand of blessing, but God did not force Israel to return. God will never remove man’s freedom of choice. We must remember that as we pray. Many separated Christians have prayed and pleaded with God to “bring my spouse back.”
The spouse has not returned, so the Christian becomes discouraged and concludes that God does not answer prayer. Many have become hostile toward God and critical of the church and Christianity, and thus have turned from their only source of real help. But God will not force your spouse to return. One More Try PDF Book Free
He, in response to your prayers, will put pressure on him or her to seek reconciliation, but your spouse may still rebel against God’s guidance and your best eorts. Does the possibility of failure mean that we should not try? The whole teaching of the Bible stands in opposition to an attitude of futility. God never gives up on His people, and history is replete with examples of genuine spiritual restoration.
Marital restoration is worth the risk of failure. Your attitude is important. Don’t say, “I might fail,” but rather, “I might succeed!” Few goals are more deserving than the restoration of your marriage. If you can discover not what you had before the separation, but what you dreamed of having when you were married, your eorts will be rewarded.
I have never met an individual who sincerely, consistently, and lovingly tried the things I suggest and regretted the eort. I have met scores of individuals who have succeeded and today are happily restored to their mates and growing with them. Such change is not likely to happen without the help of God. You both need to return to God in a fresh way. One More Try PDF Book Free
If you have not done so, you may want to invite Christ into your life. Jesus died to pay the penalty for your past sins. God wants to forgive. He will not hold the past against you, if you will accept Christ as your Savior. The Spirit of God will come to live with you and give you power to make needed changes in your life. With His help, you can accomplish things you never dreamed possible.
Your whole life can be turned around, and in turn you can help others. I want to challenge you to accept God’s forgiveness, open the door of your life to Christ, and with your hand in God’s hand move out to attempt the things suggested in this book. You will never regret your attempts to accomplish God’s best.